Airport Musings

Embrace

When the chains become longer
Allowing myself to somehow fly
Bound I may still be to you
But freedom is already in view

Restrictions have only led to pain
Acceptance is key, I shall embrace
Your lamp will light the way
In your stories I have chosen to stay

As the days are quickly passing
I savor the moments shared by us
And in the twilight of this year
The pain and yearning will cease

In the fireworks of that will come
In the sky, I too can shine once more
In your heart, I will always have space
Though I want more, I know my place

I finally am able to stand firm
To be able to breathe again
I will to replace the pain and sorrow
With the joys of a tearless tomorrow.

Broken Thoughts

Today I choose to be stronger
But for you I will be weaker
You are the poison to my soul
But your stories make me whole

In your words come intoxication
Drawn by hope that is an illusion
You and I, worlds apart
How I can live with this heart

Broken in this circumstance
But I shall keep my stance
Drawn to you I shall be
A monologue, a soliloquy

A play with a tragic end
You rejection will not make me bend
For in this crossroad you tread
I still insist to be your daily bread

I forever shall be at your behest
For you have brought out my best
But lesser I have been by will
For your kiss has made its seal

Torture with your around
My attraction knows no bounds
Pain and aches it shall be
Our love, acknowledged only by me

Why do I keep this facade
When you and I are at odds
You love her as well as I
Am I not enough I say with sigh

Confusion in this game
Neither you or I have to gain
Defeated in goals your have set
Happinesses we neither bet

For you and I are not meant
Despite all the love I have sent
In your hands hold the key
A future without you and me

Woes to our unyielding minds
Stubborn you will find
I am strong and independent
But I need you, I will not repent

Perchance you will have me
When time comes, it shall be
Goodbye love that I have fallen
Your love I wish will be forgotten

Drunken madness I possess
My obsession, more not less
Time will mend my broken bones
In vino veritas, I am alone

Bludgeoned in this game you play
I have succumbed, what do you say
Nay to the one that shattered my soul
But still yes to the one who is my all.

Rain

Let the rain pour

Starless night
Misty breeze
Howling winds
Wings of deluge
Darkness approaches
Roaring evenings
Lighted hearths
Soaked streets
Empty passageways
Cold beers on hand
Unspoken words

A New Season

When I no longer feel
The warmth of your arms
But instead the coldness
Of your shoulders
I now know that finally
A new season has come
Hello October, and goodbye
Our May to September affair.

Facebook

Social media addiction
To match your generation
So you’d think I’m cool
The same way you think she is.
So you’d look at me
The same way you look at her.
Like? Share? Heart?

Many Thanks!

Dear Strangers,

Perhaps calling you strangers may not seem appropriate. After all, you have been to my most private thoughts. You know more about my pain that the real people around me.

It sounds ironic how my blog is public yet I find a sense of privacy here. Only a handful of people know I have this blog, and most of them don’t even read it.

My apologies for my crappy and juvenile posts. However, many said that you just keep on writing without a care in the world . Only then will you become better, as writing draws from the soul, and the more you draw from it, the more you know yourself.

Your likes and follows make me feel like I have friends who are listening to my rantings, empathizing with my despair, cheering for me until I find my happiness someday. Many thanks for your support. Whoever you are, wherever you may be, I pray that our lives may be joyous. I have read some of your works and I have felt your journey though your words.

I am in pain. I have fallen for someone whom I thought (and am still thinking somehow) reciprocates my feelings. He is a special friend. Yes, he. I am part of the LGBT community but a part of me still hates the fact I’m gay given the years of social disdain and loneliness. My soul years for the one that can hold my hand in public, proud to be with me unlike those who became part of my life in secret.

I am openly gay. But the many people I get tangled with are either a) happy with me but in love with someone else (yes, I have been told that more than once before) or b) happy with me but cant, wishing I was a girl. Sucks but that is how my life has unfolded.

The quest for love and acceptance is still on going war. I want to scream about my love for the world, but I have to keep it a secret to protect that one I love. Thus, I turn to this blog to talk to strangers like friends, allowing me to express how I feel without facing judgment and ridicule.

With this pain, I fuel my words and hope that someday, these words will be but memories on the day I find my sun.

From the bottom of the heart of this aspiring writer/poet, thank you for the love, thank you for keeping my secrets.

Until the next post.

Sincerely,

Neil Iosif

Unable

Though it pains me to be unable
To sit by your side each day
It gives me joy to be able
To wipe your tears away.

You may not love me more
Than best friends will ever be
Painful it is, such harsh reality
I am still willing to hold my ground.

You have come to bear
Your weary soul, your despair
I wish to kiss your worries away
Yet words are all I can offer.

For your lips are not mine to have
Your hands are held by her
I shall stand by seat away from you
Happy to be so near yet so far.

Sunset

Sunset, a day has come to an end.
Fire ablaze with its dying embers.
Night will follow with its fading rays
Then comes a dawn of another beginning.

Dimples

Ako ay marupok
Utak ay nabubulok
Dahil sa dimples mong
Kontrabida sa buhay ko

Tuso ka at garapal
Pinaasang ako ang mahal
Sa mga halik at yakap
Pinaramdam na ako’y sapat

Bituin at buwan ang mga saski
Na ako’y hindi nananaginip
Bakit ngayon, ikaw’y nagsisisi
Kung kailan ako ay sa iyo alipin

Nahulog at lumagapak
Sa paglipad na kahit walang pakpak
Saranggolang abot sa alalapap
Pero nakawala sa taling putol

Bagsak kaya may alak
Talo dahil sa mga balak
Luha ng pagkabigo’y dumadaloy
Pilit pinapatay ang pusong nagaapoy

Makalimutan ka ay pangarap
Ng puso kong umiibig ng ganap
Ang dimples mong kamandag

Ate, beer pa, padagdag.